Subconscious Healing will return to Face 2 Face sessions from Monday 12th April, in line with the current guidelines. I will continue with online and telephone sessions for clients and supervisees who prefer. Stay safe, regards Clare at Subconscious Healing.
How many times do you think you need that apology, you get it and yet the behaviour continues?
This is often a theme in a therapy sessions, where a client cannot get past the hurt they are feeling until they get that apology from their loved one, their friend or their colleagues. However, then the behaviour continues, maybe the same, maybe slightly different.
Where are you now? Where are they? After all they have apologised for what you asked for.
Sometimes the only way, is for you to change your behaviour and in that they can learn to change theirs.
We cannot expect others to change, to learn or to grow, only you can do that.
How much is that apology really worth?
Who feels like they are wanting to talk about their problems yet find they are always being top trumped by somebody?
Why does this happen, when all you needed was somebody to really listen. So where do you find the right person?
Maybe this has been going through your thoughts?
Have you been considering going to your GP to ask for some help?
Are you feeling out of sorts and just don’t know why? Or maybe you do know why!
First of all do you have that somebody to talk to? When I say talk to, I mean somebody who you can really talk openly to, who will listen to you, without interruption, nonjudgemental and not go on about their issues.
Sometimes our friends and family without even knowing can give you their problem just when you don’t need it. When you need empathy, to be held in strength, whilst you talk openly to explore your emotions and feel your pain. Whilst a friend may offer you sympathy, this may be OK until your friend feels sorry for you. After all how can they feel your pain? For some individuals they may like this however it is non productive.
Remember this is not a game of top trumps. These are your emotions and you are allowed to talk about them.
You don’t have to compete to find our who has the worst problem.
Does it feel that way sometimes?
Is it time to consider counselling? When you enter your counselling initial session you will notice the counselling relationship, you may notice the difference. The counsellor is there for you. This is your time, a time and space for you to be open, to talk about you unconditionally in a confidential setting.
It may be the right time for you to be listened to.
Throughout life each and every one of us will face some kind of a battle, whether this is big or small, facing a loss, an illness, a breakup, trauma or work issues. It could be family or friendship battles or battles with your neighbours. Whatever this is, this battle to you is your own personal battle.
Are you living in a battle zone right now or do you feel that you are busy picking up the pieces?
Think about what is going on around you.
Who’s in battle right now? Is this you? Or are you watching a battle with family or friends.
Do you feel judged by the choices that you are making? Unable to take control? Struggling to decide what is right or wrong?
When you are in that battle zone with advise being thrown from all areas, what do you do? Who do you listen to?
It’s easy just to put your head down in the sand and wait until the all clear. Some may want to go full force and battle every corner come what may, and look back on the injured parties later. Then what. Is it too late either way?
Living in that battleground, protecting yourself is hard if you are feeling the judgment, the ‘haven’t you got over it yet, the lack of support or the ‘told you so’s’.
We all need some support, encouragment and a listening ear. But are family and friends often too close? Would an impartial ear help? Somebody you can trust, have confidence in and know they won’t judge you know matter what you tell them.
How does judging help a person? Because deep down we know it doesn’t but we all do it, don’t we? After all, we all need to make choices in our lives which can be tricky, testing and hard for us. Which for others may seem easy.
So outside looking in, the judgement begins, the shoulda, woulda, coulda.
When all that person needs is somebody to listen.
They have their own internal battle, they don’t need other people to help join in.
Independent support offers you a confidential place to talk openly about anything, somewhere you will not feel judged and a place you may find resolution.
Who’s ready for Spring?
The spring season is really here, the brighter nights are coming, believe it or not we will soon be changing the clocks and the spring flowers are starting to arrive. But we seem to be missing the important weather that we are so very used to. We keep having snow, rain, and freezing winds which is some what annoying! Well it is for Subconscious Healing and our beagle walks!
So we need to ensure that this weather does not make us feel negative, low or sad. These feelings could stop you wanting to do what you would normally want to do in the spring because it has dragged on for what seems to be such a long time.
So we need to make a change!!
Today was my change day! I decided it was my spring clean day! On went the music and out came the cleaning spray. Whilst I was enjoying this therapeutic cleaning, I was scrubbing away, singing and dancing away my winter blues, some of the beast from the east chills and also having a real warm up. It motivated me to think of some of the plans that I would like to achieve, it also allowed me to close a few doors and gave me a chance to move forward on a clean pathway.
I wonder what would help motivate you to move forward whilst the cold is still carrying on?
What do you feel a need to clear away? What would help to get you motivated? It is scary the amount of unnecessary stress and emotion that our bodie’s seem to hold. Start a clean slate for spring and summer! Visit counselme for more information.
Today has been a day of looking at SMART goals, looking at smart thinking and working out how to be a smart achiever.
This process began by personalizing ‘SMART’ goals for individuals, so that they were able to understand their desired outcome and make a plan to suit their goals.
By taking control of this process a client will be more willing to manage and accomplish their own set goals and assist their outcome.
Remember to make all SMART goals manageable, attainable and reachable. These goals are smart goals for a reason. Remember to manage your time, your thinking and your processing. Take control of your time and ensure this is reachable.
Remember this goal is your choice so you can take control.
Picture this, I am walking down the stairs, no slippers on, rushing for work as usual last minute.com, with my arms full of dirty laundry, and as per something falls out on to the stairs. So it could have been a sock, a PJ top but no it was a soggy wet flannel! NICE!!! Yes you have guessed I stood on it with my nice stocking foot ‘squelch’. Hmm is this the start of my day or just one of those things you could be thinking. Well it depends how you look at life.
For me luckily I picked it up, realised I hadn’t fallen down the stairs, So it could have been worse. Things can be sorted if we decide to choose to take control. It was my choice to either scream and shout or laugh about it and I felt like doing both. However which takes more energy and which has the better outcome?
There are times I still do scream I won’t lie I am not a saintly counsellor.
I am real, I have feelings, emotions and I cry so how do I handle it? Because I am not a super hero, I don’t wear a cape and I don’t have a magic powers.
I think I can honestly say I handle it by talking! Since beginning my journey to becoming a counsellor I have had to learn to really talk and listen, not just a little chit chat with friends but be open. I have supervision and in that I am listened to and I can be me. I have realised that if I need somebody to talk to about my emotions I am happy pay a counsellor, but I have also learnt the value of talking openly to my family and friends!
Counselling has taught me so much about me. If you are struggling and need support don’t sit in silence thinking there is nobody to listen to you.
Don’t sit thinking nobody understands you, there is always somebody willing to listen, willing to help you. Sometimes you are stuck in a place and you just need a helping hand to get you up.
Children’s mental health awareness week.
I am a mum of 3 boys and I have had the pleasure and/or misfortune of going through varying systems and organisations with anxiety, autism, dyslexia and relating issues. As a family we have worked closely within the mainstream and autism specific school system, it has been a rollercoaster ride of Senco’s, Ed Psych’s, school nurses, varying out reach services and pediatricians.
Over the years my children have needed support to get used to changes and gain control. I think we have been extremely lucky with the support that we have had.
However as a counsellor who works with children, families and adults I hear how other individuals feel let down by the system.
That is why they seek out private counselling for themselves or their children.
The Governments recent Green Paper children’s mental health promise is certainly an admirable statement to empower schools to tackle these problems.
However is their approach to fulfilling this promise manageable or are parents left with feelings of doubt and worry. Children will recieve support in schools from a mental health team and support staff with a teacher who is in charge of their mental awareness. This will hopefully encourage a sufficiently skilled counsellor in schools across the UK. This will hopefully discourage schools who are at the moment utilising their T/As and mentors as counselling services and ensure that their children are recieving the right support.
I believe that we need more qualified level 4 and above counsellors, play therapists and educational psychologists working in our schools who are already trained and have the experience to help these children. Yes this may cost a little more than the teaching assistants or mentors who are being employed to do this job. But isn’t it worth it? My concern is what level of training will this mental health team have to work with the children and young people. Is this quick fix really the best way to tackle children’s mental health in the long term? Or is it an ill advised therapy likely to create more issues that need dealing with later?
So on Children’s mental health week we need to look at these policies and realise that any therapy is only as good as the therapist.
This time of year means different things for each and everyone. For some it means excitement, happiness, fun and celebrations. Whilst for others it means tiredness, loneliness, sadness and highlighting how they have felt over the last 12 months.
It may bring unexpected emotions, the Christmas blues, with feelings of stress and anxiety and unexpected highs or lows. Take a look around at your christmas party, at your neighbours and at your friends. Is there somebody who looks like they are struggling, somebody who may need a little support? Can you give them a little bit of your time, can you listen to them? Not many years ago we would have done this. We would have taken the time to enquire about a neighbour and a friend in need, or the elderly lady living down the road. We used to pick up the phone to check on our relatives and friends, checking on somebody who was struggling, or just sending a christmas wish to say that we cared.
When you are on your own at this time of the year is it because you choose to be, or is it because you have nowhere else to go? Sometimes there is a place to go but it is about accessing that help, supporting yourself and finding it. Once upon a time there was no room at the Inn, Joseph searched and searched and found a room for Mary in a stable, it wasn’t the best but they made do and they made the best out of what they had. Joseph wasn’t looking for a 5* hotel with a spa and jacuzzi, he was looking for somewhere to support Mary. Sometimes you need to take control to help yourself, you often have a choice.
Today, living in this throw away society, we always want the best and miss the importance of what is going on around us. But is the best needed?
Are you spending out of your budget trying to buy the top gift, trying to get the no.1 toy of the year? How many are spending on the ‘never never’ and then worrying when this will always catch up with you in your January pay packet. Who is this going to make happy?
I remember as a child we only had 3 channels on the television and longed for a remote control on a wire on a video player (which we never got), I had an apple and an orange in my stocking and one gift from Santa. We played board games on Christmas day and we all talked. It was amazing! We had toys and games, we didn’t have computer games to pull us away from the importance of family time! But we did talk to each other and we spent time with each other. What would it be like to spend an hour with each other playing a board game at Christmas. Learn something new about each other. I wonder if that lonely neighbour would enjoy being with you all, at your table enjoying too much noise and hustle and bustle, enjoying time on the sofa whilst you all have your heads in your gadgets. How will you get through December?
When feeling down, depressed or anxious means being stuck inside, locked behind the closed doors. Locked inside our safe place, but is it really that perfect?
Would you rather be out there with friends, family. Could you be making new friends and breaking a pattern? How would that feel?
Do you really need to feel alone within yourself, with all the emotion that comes with it. Is that fair?
Sometimes we just have to just let go and have fun. Let our hair down. Ok it may feel scary, you may need support and that’s ok but why not try to take this control for you. Make that choice for you and see how it feels!