Top trump problems vs unconditional listening.

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Who feels like they are wanting to talk about their problems yet find they are always being top trumped by somebody?

Why does this happen, when all you needed was somebody to really listen. So where do you find the right person?

Maybe this has been going through your thoughts?

Have you been considering going to your GP to ask for some help?

Are you feeling out of sorts and just don’t know why? Or maybe you do know why!

First of all do you have that somebody to talk to? When I say talk to, I mean somebody who you can really talk openly to, who will listen to you, without interruption, nonjudgemental and not go on about their issues.

Sometimes our friends and family without even knowing can give you their problem just when you don’t need it. When you need empathy, to be held in strength, whilst you talk openly to explore your emotions and feel your pain. Whilst a friend may offer you sympathy, this may be OK until your friend feels sorry for you. After all how can they feel your pain? For some individuals they may like this however it is non productive.

Remember this is not a game of top trumps. These are your emotions and you are allowed to talk about them.

You don’t have to compete to find our who has the worst problem.

Does it feel that way sometimes?

Is it time to consider counselling? When you enter your counselling initial session you will notice the counselling relationship, you may notice the difference. The counsellor is there for you. This is your time, a time and space for you to be open, to talk about you unconditionally in a confidential setting.

It may be the right time for you to be listened to.

Click here to find out more.

Battles

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Throughout life each and every one of us will face some kind of a battle, whether this is big or small, facing a loss, an illness, a breakup, trauma or work issues. It could be family or friendship battles or battles with your neighbours. Whatever this is, this battle to you is your own personal battle.

Are you living in a battle zone right now or do you feel that you are busy picking up the pieces?

Think about what is going on around you.

Who’s in battle right now? Is this you? Or are you watching a battle with family or friends.

Do you feel judged by the choices that you are making? Unable to take control? Struggling to decide what is right or wrong?

When you are in that battle zone with advise being thrown from all areas, what do you do? Who do you listen to?

It’s easy just to put your head down in the sand and wait until the all clear. Some may want to go full force and battle every corner come what may, and look back on the injured parties later. Then what. Is it too late either way?

Living in that battleground, protecting yourself is hard if you are feeling the judgment, the ‘haven’t you got over it yet, the lack of support or the ‘told you so’s’.

We all need some support, encouragment and a listening ear. But are family and friends often too close? Would an impartial ear help? Somebody you can trust, have confidence in and know they won’t judge you know matter what you tell them.

How does judging help a person? Because deep down we know it doesn’t but we all do it, don’t we? After all, we all need to make choices in our lives which can be tricky, testing and hard for us. Which for others may seem easy.

So outside looking in, the judgement begins, the shoulda, woulda, coulda.

When all that person needs is somebody to listen.

They have their own internal battle, they don’t need other people to help join in.

Independent support offers you a confidential place to talk openly about anything, somewhere you will not feel judged and a place you may find resolution.

Counselling at counselme.

Going live

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So today I will be going on air!!!

No not flying through the sky, I will be speaking on the radio (or trying to).

Last week I was contacted out of the blue by Radio Leicester, I was asked if I would like to have a chat about a blog post I had previously written on my webpage.

Yes me, Subconscious Healing.

So today at around 9am I will be on Radio Leicester.

I will be talking about my post, Spring cleaning.

SMART goals

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Today has been a day of looking at SMART goals, looking at smart thinking and working out how to be a smart achiever.

This process began by personalizing ‘SMART’ goals for individuals, so that they were able to understand their desired outcome and make a plan to suit their goals.

By taking control of this process a client will be more willing to manage and accomplish their own set goals and assist their outcome.

Remember to make all SMART goals manageable, attainable and reachable. These goals are smart goals for a reason. Remember to manage your time, your thinking and your processing. Take control of your time and ensure this is reachable.

Remember this goal is your choice so you can take control.

One of those days

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Picture this, I am walking down the stairs, no slippers on, rushing for work as usual last minute.com, with my arms full of dirty laundry, and as per something falls out on to the stairs. So it could have been a sock, a PJ top but no it was a soggy wet flannel! NICE!!! Yes you have guessed I stood on it with my nice stocking foot ‘squelch’. Hmm is this the start of my day or just one of those things you could be thinking. Well it depends how you look at life.
For me luckily I picked it up, realised I hadn’t fallen down the stairs, So it could have been worse. Things can be sorted if we decide to choose to take control. It was my choice to either scream and shout or laugh about it and I felt like doing both. However which takes more energy and which has the better outcome?
There are times I still do scream I won’t lie I am not a saintly counsellor.

I am real, I have feelings, emotions and I cry so how do I handle it? Because I am not a super hero, I don’t wear a cape and I don’t have a magic powers.

I think I can honestly say I handle it by talking! Since beginning my journey to becoming a counsellor I have had to learn to really talk and listen, not just a little chit chat with friends but be open. I have supervision and in that I am listened to and I can be me. I have realised that if I need somebody to talk to about my emotions I am happy pay a counsellor, but I have also learnt the value of talking openly to my family and friends!

Counselling has taught me so much about me. If you are struggling and need support don’t sit in silence thinking there is nobody to listen to you.

Don’t sit thinking nobody understands you, there is always somebody willing to listen, willing to help you. Sometimes you are stuck in a place and you just need a helping hand to get you up.

Why have therapy?

Looking out for our children.

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Children’s mental health awareness week.

I am a mum of 3 boys and I have had the pleasure and/or misfortune of going through varying systems and organisations with anxiety, autism, dyslexia and relating issues. As a family we have worked closely within the mainstream and autism specific school system, it has been a rollercoaster ride of Senco’s, Ed Psych’s, school nurses, varying out reach services and pediatricians.

Over the years my children have needed support to get used to changes and gain control. I think we have been extremely lucky with the support that we have had.

However as a counsellor who works with children, families and adults I hear how other individuals feel let down by the system.
That is why they seek out private counselling for themselves or their children.

The Governments recent Green Paper children’s mental health promise is certainly an admirable statement to empower schools to tackle these problems.

However is their approach to fulfilling this promise manageable or are parents left with feelings of doubt and worry. Children will recieve support in schools from a mental health team and support staff with a teacher who is in charge of their mental awareness. This will hopefully encourage a sufficiently skilled counsellor in schools across the UK. This will hopefully discourage schools who are at the moment utilising their T/As and mentors as counselling services and ensure that their children are recieving the right support.

I believe that we need more qualified level 4 and above counsellors, play therapists and educational psychologists working in our schools who are already trained and have the experience to help these children. Yes this may cost a little more than the teaching assistants or mentors who are being employed to do this job. But isn’t it worth it? My concern is what level of training will this mental health team have to work with the children and young people. Is this quick fix really the best way to tackle children’s mental health in the long term? Or is it an ill advised therapy likely to create more issues that need dealing with later?

So on Children’s mental health week we need to look at these policies and realise that any therapy is only as good as the therapist.

Stop the Bullies!

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How can it be that time goes so quick? I remember my mum saying to me when I was little, You wait until you go to work the time flies by, Your school days are your best times of your life. For most kid’s this is true, that is unless you are being bullied. She didn’t know that bit though, like most victim’s of bullying I kept it hidden. So listening to her say it’s the best time of your life always felt like a lie.

But that wasn’t her fault to be fair. Everyday going to school and thinking how will today be, will it be a good day or will it be a normal day.

Normal sounds ok hey, but how many of you spent your times locked in a toilet hidden away from the bullies. If only I had of spoken up. I had a lovely supportive teacher so why didn’t I speak up? Why didn’t I say how I felt?

Now I am not telling you this to feel sorry for me or to get support, I am telling you this to help stop bullying. To say if you notice signs in your children it could be bullying and if you think ‘should I say something’ as a parent or a teacher the answer is yes, a huge YES! Bullying sticks!

Whether you are the bully or the bullied! If your the school bully and you are not challenged or punished, you may go on to be a work bully in your adult life. Remember it’s your choice.

Being bullied can cause an impact later on in life and affect self esteem and confidence which can cause issues in relationships and work.

If my teacher had noticed that I spent a lot of my lunch times in the toilets or alone could it have changed anything? Would it have caused more issues or helped me? I don’t know but having somebody to listen to me, having somebody to talk to and to share my worry would have been a start! This may have reduced the feeling of self hate, the drastic feelings running through my head which were caused by not being able to take one more day. But thankfully I found somebody to support me in time! It only took one person to notice. This stopped the bullying there and then for me. Howevee I didn’t know about counselling or talking, working through the problems it had caused, the impact of the issues until I had counselling later on in life and realised the bullying in school sticks to you like glue.

That emotional trauma set me up to fail with a boss who I should have spoken out to, a partner and also friendships not to mention other issues. But after counselling my self-awareness, self belief and my confidence grew. Don’t be a victim of the bullies all of your life, you can take control. Speak out. If it’s happening now or in childhood, speak out. Stop the Bullies. Don’t let bullies win!

As national bullying week draws to a close we need to stand up to bullies within the school, home and in the work place. Bullying is not acceptable. Thank you for reading.