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So as we enter the exam period whether this is SATs, GCSEs, retakes or getting ready for A levels.
Whichever the exam that you are taking, for some they can bring on stress, anxiety and worry.
Some people just happily sail through their tests and exams without a care or worry and that is amazing. However for others they really do struggle with their exams.
In our house this week we have the SATs tests for our youngest son. I think we have prepared well, the school have prepared him well and he has prepared well. He seems happy and eager to do them, to get them out of the way. But for him, the main thing is that he is not feeling the pressure, he can only do his best.
So day one is done, the monotony has not hit yet and he isn’t fed up or worried yet.
Why do we worry so much about these exams which we have studied for? Is it the added pressure that students put upon themselves or that they are put under by teachers and parents?
I remember as a student the panic and the worry. Have I revised enough? Will I make my parents proud? Will I achieve as well as my brother? Will I get to where I want to be?
And then with all that anxiety came fear.
Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?
Nobody picked up on this anxiety that I was going through. Nobody noticed that I was not studying properly, couldn’t cope and well just felt like I was sinking.
Was it because it was ‘back then’ because my parents didn’t really do exams or just because I went unnoticed? Did I hide it well?
Today, in the college that I work in, this time of year in the counselling room is about emotional support, reducing anxiety and listening. Offering strategies and working with the students to reduce their worries.
Students are under pressure everywhere, at home, with their peers, in the schooling environment and on social media. They have little escape so it’s teaching them where to escape, how to escape and it is ok to have time to breath.
Stop, take a breath, observe, pause and process.
We all need to breath and relax even when we are cramming in the study. Our brains can and will only take so much.
Go outside and get some fresh air, lie down and watch the clouds, relax to some calming music. Take the pressure off and just calm. Your body and mind will thank you for it.
As parents we need to support our children through this time, yes results are important for them but their mental health is so much more important.
Observe the changes. Check in with them. I’m OK may not actually mean OK.
Good luck to everyone, stay healthy!
Subconscious Healing has now moved therapy room to number 16 of the same building on 6 Frederick street Wigston LE18 1PJ.
As my clients will be well aware I have been looking to move to a different therapy room.
I have taken this step with my clients therapy in mind.
The reason for this move is that it is in a quieter location of the building and it will be a bigger and cooler room.
This room will also benefit family sessions and clients who wish to work more creatively in their sessions.
The space is still set out as a comfortable, calm living space as you can see which many clients enjoy.
This is all to increase in the comfort and privacy of your counselling sessions.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.
So if you have read any of my recent blog posts you will most likely remember my spring cleaning blog from a couple of weeks ago.
Well here we are going from the miserable and lost spring and jumping straight head first into summer, and hasn’t it arrived quick.
I don’t know about you all but I started off my week in Leicestershire wearing a woolie jumper to work then yesterday found myself in a mini heatwave totally unprepared!
Yes I know it was all over the news!! But come on how many times has it been wrong? So I was caught out.
I follow a family tradition, don’t ask me why, but I do, every year in the spring I pack my winter clothes away into storage and out comes my summer stuff and vise versa.
For me I find it kind of cathartic, washing away the last season and getting ready for the next block. Ie warm vs chilly. Christmas season vs summer holidays.
My mum used to put her clothes away as did her mum and now do I. A family tradition that has passed down to me.
So yesterday I decided to have a therapeutic cleanse of my wardrobe, deciding what really does and doesn’t fit? What I actually do and do not wear, and what I will wear this year.
For me this was like washing away the emotions of the previous year, putting the emotions away with last seasons clothes. Challenging myself as I reflect over the positives and negatives of the previous months.
It was my time to take a little bit of positive control to make some choices for the future about me.
This gave me the chance to think about me as a person, about family traditions and how behaviours are inherited, whether healthy or unhealthy. Often this is without our knowledge.
Learned behaviours can cause us to stay in certain thinking patterns through life.
There is thought that we learn from parent’s, grandparents, teachers, friends, siblings, TV and nowadays the internet.
All of these modes of learning show the child examples of behaviour to observe and imitate for instance masculine and feminine, good and bad, angry and sad, positive and negative and so on.
Talking therapy can help to work through these emotional issues. You may be dealing with learned behaviour throughout your life, not realising that they are infact somebody else’s issues and not actually yours. You don’t have to carry them around any more.
Who feels like they are wanting to talk about their problems yet find they are always being top trumped by somebody?
Why does this happen, when all you needed was somebody to really listen. So where do you find the right person?
Maybe this has been going through your thoughts?
Have you been considering going to your GP to ask for some help?
Are you feeling out of sorts and just don’t know why? Or maybe you do know why!
First of all do you have that somebody to talk to? When I say talk to, I mean somebody who you can really talk openly to, who will listen to you, without interruption, nonjudgemental and not go on about their issues.
Sometimes our friends and family without even knowing can give you their problem just when you don’t need it. When you need empathy, to be held in strength, whilst you talk openly to explore your emotions and feel your pain. Whilst a friend may offer you sympathy, this may be OK until your friend feels sorry for you. After all how can they feel your pain? For some individuals they may like this however it is non productive.
Remember this is not a game of top trumps. These are your emotions and you are allowed to talk about them.
You don’t have to compete to find our who has the worst problem.
Does it feel that way sometimes?
Is it time to consider counselling? When you enter your counselling initial session you will notice the counselling relationship, you may notice the difference. The counsellor is there for you. This is your time, a time and space for you to be open, to talk about you unconditionally in a confidential setting.
It may be the right time for you to be listened to.
Throughout life each and every one of us will face some kind of a battle, whether this is big or small, facing a loss, an illness, a breakup, trauma or work issues. It could be family or friendship battles or battles with your neighbours. Whatever this is, this battle to you is your own personal battle.
Are you living in a battle zone right now or do you feel that you are busy picking up the pieces?
Think about what is going on around you.
Who’s in battle right now? Is this you? Or are you watching a battle with family or friends.
Do you feel judged by the choices that you are making? Unable to take control? Struggling to decide what is right or wrong?
When you are in that battle zone with advise being thrown from all areas, what do you do? Who do you listen to?
It’s easy just to put your head down in the sand and wait until the all clear. Some may want to go full force and battle every corner come what may, and look back on the injured parties later. Then what. Is it too late either way?
Living in that battleground, protecting yourself is hard if you are feeling the judgment, the ‘haven’t you got over it yet, the lack of support or the ‘told you so’s’.
We all need some support, encouragment and a listening ear. But are family and friends often too close? Would an impartial ear help? Somebody you can trust, have confidence in and know they won’t judge you know matter what you tell them.
How does judging help a person? Because deep down we know it doesn’t but we all do it, don’t we? After all, we all need to make choices in our lives which can be tricky, testing and hard for us. Which for others may seem easy.
So outside looking in, the judgement begins, the shoulda, woulda, coulda.
When all that person needs is somebody to listen.
They have their own internal battle, they don’t need other people to help join in.
Independent support offers you a confidential place to talk openly about anything, somewhere you will not feel judged and a place you may find resolution.
So today I will be going on air!!!
No not flying through the sky, I will be speaking on the radio (or trying to).
Last week I was contacted out of the blue by Radio Leicester, I was asked if I would like to have a chat about a blog post I had previously written on my webpage.
Yes me, Subconscious Healing.
So today at around 9am I will be on Radio Leicester.
I will be talking about my post, Spring cleaning.
Wow, has it really been 5 years since that amazing day? The best tea party I could ever imagine being invited to (well apart from a ‘Mad Hatter’s’), I was sat eating cake and drinking tea with Brendan Cole at Claridges, just Wow. How surreal! I kept waiting for Alice to jump out of a hole! What an awesome feeling to be invited to meet Simon Cowell and Gloria Hunniford and their guests.
But I am forgetting the most important part, why I am there?
Let’s rewind a few months.
If you have read any of my other blogs you will know son no. 3 has a diagnosis of Autism, he was diagnosed at 6 yrs of age. Although we have always known from a very young age that something was just not quite right, this diagnosis still came as such a huge shock to us. I am sure many parents will probably agree.
Our path to diagnosis was rocky and took many years of battles, as people who are going through it will empathise, but throughout some if this we had some amazing support from an amazing charity called face2face. This charity was ran by scope. I had an amazing befriender who was a huge support, she was a listener, a friend, an ear and was there when nobody else was. Now I am not saying that nobody else was there, but at that time it felt like I was supermum and carried everyone, I had to because if I didn’t then everyone around me would collapse. William was born as a BBA, a bit of a traumatic experience which then led me onto PND which I coped with but didn’t really deal with when you have a child who never sleeps. She taught me that I could put my backpack down and learn to look after me. She was an amazing befriender.
Being a mum of a child living with a disability is hard work, nobody wanted to help, to listen, to be there when he screamed, punched, kicked or had a meltdown. Why would they I wouldn’t or would I.
So as the weeks went on and life got easier, I realised friendships were there as I released the grip on the backpack.
Then I was asked to make a film clip for the health lottery. Me? Talk about being a mum with a child living with Autism? Really? Wow.
So we did!
Me and my befriender talked about how she had helped me and I talked about living with son no.3.
What it’s like sleepless nights, a friendless boy, the struggles, the lack of invites to parties, the struggles of mainstream school, living with family who just don’t understand the issues of an invisible disability.
A child who doesn’t eat, doesn’t wear certain clothes, like loud noises, but loves the firmness of hugs and cuddles.
I remember reading a poem about going on a trip to Holland but thinking your going to Spain with your friends. You get off the plane and realise it’s not what you expect, it’s ok, its sunny, there are nice people, and you get on.
That is what Face2Face has taught me. I have met some wonderful people over the years. I am not where I started when he was born. That doesn’t matter life moves on. People can’t all be expected to cope with ‘my’ stuff.
He is an amazing boy making friends and going to parties. Life moves on and changes. Holland is good.
So now lets fast forward to the invite, we are both sat in a tea party at Claridges, there are television screens all around us. Dotted around are celebrities, I remember it just felt crazy. Then the film played. Finally we are asked to go on stage to a standing applause. Wow! hugs tears and emotions. Autism is noticed, Disability is noticed! My son has helped to make Autism heard.