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What is it like to be the only female in the house full of boys?
I have been asked before how do you cope with all those boys?
Don’t you feel left out? Football crazy, boys toys crazy?
Doesn’t the toilet seat get on your nerves or their smelly bedrooms drive you mad?
Don’t you miss out on pamper days with daughters or shopping trips to town?
And my answer is always No to all of the above!
Yes I am definately ‘out numbered’ in our house, but that’s ok because this house that we live in is our family home.
We may battle for the bathroom, live with War Hammer models all over the dining table whilst we eat our dinner on our laps, the table that once was pine and now resembles a children’s paint station.
I am amazed of my skills that I have learnt including half asleep walking through a lego minefield, bare footed at 3am, sorting 3 different pairs of socks that belong to different boys with similar sized feet. Learning skills like stick man wars, skate boarding, nerf gun wars, trampoline football and so much more.
Now I know that the bath will always be covered in god knows what unless I clean it, and when men stand up to use the toilet half asleep, well let’s just leave it to your imagination.
But I know this is all OK because one day the house that is full of noise, hustle and bustle, X box and music will be just me and my husband.
My boys will return to tell me their stories but they will never leave lego on the floor or paint on the table. This time is short, precious and I can always buy another table but I can never buy these years.
Maybe this needs to be done from an earlier age.
Teachers you should not be afraid to talk about issues such as suicide, sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. If you are then why?
So how to help the children? How can you support them?
Why not try to bring a counsellor into the classroom to give a talk. See if you are able to run small groups for your vulnerable children or a drop in session.
Remember this is not just high schools and sixth form students who need to access support or know and understand mental health. It has been reported recently in the news that some children as young as 3-4 yr olds are struggling with issues of self harm, when this starts from an early age it may escalate if help is not given.
Our primary school children need support from professionals as well as sixth form. If we can help a child who is going through issues at 8yrs old, they may cope better by 16, if they are left they may have learnt unhelpful distructive coping mechanisms which are harder to break.
Teachers, teaching assistants, head of years and head of schools need to be making some allowances for children’s mental health. Teaching them these important lessons as you may be the person this child may turn to in their hour of need.
So as we enter the exam period whether this is SATs, GCSEs, retakes or getting ready for A levels.
Whichever the exam that you are taking, for some they can bring on stress, anxiety and worry.
Some people just happily sail through their tests and exams without a care or worry and that is amazing. However for others they really do struggle with their exams.
In our house this week we have the SATs tests for our youngest son. I think we have prepared well, the school have prepared him well and he has prepared well. He seems happy and eager to do them, to get them out of the way. But for him, the main thing is that he is not feeling the pressure, he can only do his best.
So day one is done, the monotony has not hit yet and he isn’t fed up or worried yet.
Why do we worry so much about these exams which we have studied for? Is it the added pressure that students put upon themselves or that they are put under by teachers and parents?
I remember as a student the panic and the worry. Have I revised enough? Will I make my parents proud? Will I achieve as well as my brother? Will I get to where I want to be?
And then with all that anxiety came fear.
Why? Why do we do this to ourselves?
Nobody picked up on this anxiety that I was going through. Nobody noticed that I was not studying properly, couldn’t cope and well just felt like I was sinking.
Was it because it was ‘back then’ because my parents didn’t really do exams or just because I went unnoticed? Did I hide it well?
Today, in the college that I work in, this time of year in the counselling room is about emotional support, reducing anxiety and listening. Offering strategies and working with the students to reduce their worries.
Students are under pressure everywhere, at home, with their peers, in the schooling environment and on social media. They have little escape so it’s teaching them where to escape, how to escape and it is ok to have time to breath.
Stop, take a breath, observe, pause and process.
We all need to breath and relax even when we are cramming in the study. Our brains can and will only take so much.
Go outside and get some fresh air, lie down and watch the clouds, relax to some calming music. Take the pressure off and just calm. Your body and mind will thank you for it.
As parents we need to support our children through this time, yes results are important for them but their mental health is so much more important.
Observe the changes. Check in with them. I’m OK may not actually mean OK.
Good luck to everyone, stay healthy!
Subconscious Healing has now moved therapy room to number 16 of the same building on 6 Frederick street Wigston LE18 1PJ.
As my clients will be well aware I have been looking to move to a different therapy room.
I have taken this step with my clients therapy in mind.
The reason for this move is that it is in a quieter location of the building and it will be a bigger and cooler room.
This room will also benefit family sessions and clients who wish to work more creatively in their sessions.
The space is still set out as a comfortable, calm living space as you can see which many clients enjoy.
This is all to increase in the comfort and privacy of your counselling sessions.
Please do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.
So if you have read any of my recent blog posts you will most likely remember my spring cleaning blog from a couple of weeks ago.
Well here we are going from the miserable and lost spring and jumping straight head first into summer, and hasn’t it arrived quick.
I don’t know about you all but I started off my week in Leicestershire wearing a woolie jumper to work then yesterday found myself in a mini heatwave totally unprepared!
Yes I know it was all over the news!! But come on how many times has it been wrong? So I was caught out.
I follow a family tradition, don’t ask me why, but I do, every year in the spring I pack my winter clothes away into storage and out comes my summer stuff and vise versa.
For me I find it kind of cathartic, washing away the last season and getting ready for the next block. Ie warm vs chilly. Christmas season vs summer holidays.
My mum used to put her clothes away as did her mum and now do I. A family tradition that has passed down to me.
So yesterday I decided to have a therapeutic cleanse of my wardrobe, deciding what really does and doesn’t fit? What I actually do and do not wear, and what I will wear this year.
For me this was like washing away the emotions of the previous year, putting the emotions away with last seasons clothes. Challenging myself as I reflect over the positives and negatives of the previous months.
It was my time to take a little bit of positive control to make some choices for the future about me.
This gave me the chance to think about me as a person, about family traditions and how behaviours are inherited, whether healthy or unhealthy. Often this is without our knowledge.
Learned behaviours can cause us to stay in certain thinking patterns through life.
There is thought that we learn from parent’s, grandparents, teachers, friends, siblings, TV and nowadays the internet.
All of these modes of learning show the child examples of behaviour to observe and imitate for instance masculine and feminine, good and bad, angry and sad, positive and negative and so on.
Talking therapy can help to work through these emotional issues. You may be dealing with learned behaviour throughout your life, not realising that they are infact somebody else’s issues and not actually yours. You don’t have to carry them around any more.
Who feels like they are wanting to talk about their problems yet find they are always being top trumped by somebody?
Why does this happen, when all you needed was somebody to really listen. So where do you find the right person?
Maybe this has been going through your thoughts?
Have you been considering going to your GP to ask for some help?
Are you feeling out of sorts and just don’t know why? Or maybe you do know why!
First of all do you have that somebody to talk to? When I say talk to, I mean somebody who you can really talk openly to, who will listen to you, without interruption, nonjudgemental and not go on about their issues.
Sometimes our friends and family without even knowing can give you their problem just when you don’t need it. When you need empathy, to be held in strength, whilst you talk openly to explore your emotions and feel your pain. Whilst a friend may offer you sympathy, this may be OK until your friend feels sorry for you. After all how can they feel your pain? For some individuals they may like this however it is non productive.
Remember this is not a game of top trumps. These are your emotions and you are allowed to talk about them.
You don’t have to compete to find our who has the worst problem.
Does it feel that way sometimes?
Is it time to consider counselling? When you enter your counselling initial session you will notice the counselling relationship, you may notice the difference. The counsellor is there for you. This is your time, a time and space for you to be open, to talk about you unconditionally in a confidential setting.
It may be the right time for you to be listened to.