Counselling for couples and families.

Couples and Family therapy.

5 reasons why therapy is a good idea:-

1, The decision is based upon wanting to talk openly and stay together.

2,There is an acknowledgement that help is available and that they would like to take up the offer in a confidential setting.

3. You have agreed to ask for help from someone who has studied in an area of expertise that they need to work through.

4. The opportunity to work through this openly and experience healing and positive change is being embraced.

5. Soon the couple / family will start to peel away the layers of their life together and find that love is underneath.

If you are struggling take a look on counselling directory or psychology today for a counsellor within your area who can help and support your emotional issues.

January Blues

How many of us have sprung into January on a high but then begin to start that feeling of dread? That tired feeling, sadness, loss of energy and just feeling blue and down in the dumps.

So why is this? Why are you feeling low in January? Is it the realisation that the Christmas over spending bill’s will start to come in? Is the damp cold weather or are the dark mornings and nights dragging on? Or do you have that post Christmas, back to work feeling.

So if this sounds like you, what can you do?

Look at lifting the blues, get some natural day light by going for a walk.

Rather than burying your head, take a look at your finances, did you over spend last year? How did you pay that off?

Think about meeting friends, inviting them around for drinks, rather than going out and overspending.

Do you have that gym membership waiting to be used?Either use it or cancel it, make the choice.

Are thinking of increasing your fitness this year? Stop thinking go for it? A boost in your natural endorphins will help rid the doom and gloom and make you feel happy.

Why not write a list of what you would like to do through this year, for instance a holiday, a weekend break, read some new books, go on a new course or start a new path?

Remember to take control of January and don’t let the blues take control of you.

Have a good January, it is the start of your new chapter.

Mental health in schools.

Maybe this needs to be done from an earlier age.

Teachers you should not be afraid to talk about issues such as suicide, sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse. If you are then why?

So how to help the children? How can you support them?

Why not try to bring a counsellor into the classroom to give a talk. See if you are able to run small groups for your vulnerable children or a drop in session.

Remember this is not just high schools and sixth form students who need to access support or know and understand mental health. It has been reported recently in the news that some children as young as 3-4 yr olds are struggling with issues of self harm, when this starts from an early age it may escalate if help is not given.

Our primary school children need support from professionals as well as sixth form. If we can help a child who is going through issues at 8yrs old, they may cope better by 16, if they are left they may have learnt unhelpful distructive coping mechanisms which are harder to break.

Teachers, teaching assistants, head of years and head of schools need to be making some allowances for children’s mental health. Teaching them these important lessons as you may be the person this child may turn to in their hour of need.

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Battles

Throughout life each and every one of us will face some kind of a battle, whether this is big or small, facing a loss, an illness, a breakup, trauma or work issues. It could be family or friendship battles or battles with your neighbours. Whatever this is, this battle to you is your own personal battle.

Are you living in a battle zone right now or do you feel that you are busy picking up the pieces?

Think about what is going on around you.

Who’s in battle right now? Is this you? Or are you watching a battle with family or friends.

Do you feel judged by the choices that you are making? Unable to take control? Struggling to decide what is right or wrong?

When you are in that battle zone with advise being thrown from all areas, what do you do? Who do you listen to?

It’s easy just to put your head down in the sand and wait until the all clear. Some may want to go full force and battle every corner come what may, and look back on the injured parties later. Then what. Is it too late either way?

Living in that battleground, protecting yourself is hard if you are feeling the judgment, the ‘haven’t you got over it yet, the lack of support or the ‘told you so’s’.

We all need some support, encouragment and a listening ear. But are family and friends often too close? Would an impartial ear help? Somebody you can trust, have confidence in and know they won’t judge you know matter what you tell them.

How does judging help a person? Because deep down we know it doesn’t but we all do it, don’t we? After all, we all need to make choices in our lives which can be tricky, testing and hard for us. Which for others may seem easy.

So outside looking in, the judgement begins, the shoulda, woulda, coulda.

When all that person needs is somebody to listen.

They have their own internal battle, they don’t need other people to help join in.

Independent support offers you a confidential place to talk openly about anything, somewhere you will not feel judged and a place you may find resolution.

Counselling at counselme.

Going live

So today I will be going on air!!!

No not flying through the sky, I will be speaking on the radio (or trying to).

Last week I was contacted out of the blue by Radio Leicester, I was asked if I would like to have a chat about a blog post I had previously written on my webpage.

Yes me, Subconscious Healing.

So today at around 9am I will be on Radio Leicester.

I will be talking about my post, Spring cleaning.

World Autism Awareness Week.

Autism is a lifelong, developmental disability that happens all over the world, not just in your country. Autism affects how an individual communicates with and relates to other people, and how they experience the world around them.

I see Autism every single day, this is not just because I am a counsellor offering my support.

This is because my child, son 3, has a diagnosis of Autism. He was diagnosed at 6 yrs of age.

So is that it for him now? Is that who he is now? Is that us as a family? Is that now the label forever?

Why?

Gosh, thinking back I remember buying and reading so many books when we were struggling. I would be that supermum who was prepared, who would get her son through the diagnosis and ensure him the help he needed but really my insides were like a washing machine on a fast cycle just Arrrrrrrrrrr. Constant thoughts of ‘Is this it forever????’

Thankfully we had amazing support and began our roller-coaster journey, which brought the lightbulb moment!

With this much needed help we learnt that Autism does not define who our son is, our son is who he wants to be!

After all, our number 2 son has asthma, but that is not who he is. So why should Autism be who our number 3 son is?

Ok so who knows what Autism is? How many of you would know the signs of Autism? Do you think you work with anybody diagnosed Autism, live with anybody with undiagnosed Autism?

Think about your work place?

Think about your friendship groups?

Maybe consider if you have children, yours or your children’s friends?

Now what is Autism for us?

I remember when we had son number 3, thinking there was something not quite right, he would never make eye contact, he did not sleep, this lasted until he was 6 years of age. He had huge sensory issues, loved lots of cuddles but then didn’t liked to be touched. As he was growing up he couldn’t cope with certain foods or clothes. Then there was the sensory issue with noise and light. His conversations were very much like a little old man rather than his age, very eccentric. He had a love/ obsessions and collections. This still continues, he can name every dinosaur, cat breed and Pokemon. Ask him a math question and he walks away (no he isn’t rain man)

Remember though, that if you meet one person with Autism you have met a person with Autism. My child still has a personality and he really has an amazing personality! Although he does miss the all important filter!!

Autism is not bad, it is not a disease. And no it is not catching. So yes children with a diagnosis of Autism can still be invited to play dates / to parties and sleep overs if they want. Adults still want friendships, want to go to work and want to be included in office parties even if they leave after an hour or only go when it’s paint balling or to a Spa day. It’s choice.

Autism needs awareness around the world, but not just for a week, because believe it or not, I will not be locking son no.3, in a closet after these 7 awareness days until the next Autism awareness week. 😉😉

He is extremely lucky, he attends an amazing Autism specific school, he is now achieving and has a supportive network around him. He has 2 supportive and loving older brothers. But soon, one day he will go out into the big wide world as an adult with autism. As a mum that is a scary thought when you think of what is out there.

Living with son no.3 has taught me so much. Autism is not to be scared of.

We need not judge a square peg in a round hole. We are all different in this world that we live in. Accept difference.

Find out more about counselling.

One of those days

Picture this, I am walking down the stairs, no slippers on, rushing for work as usual last minute.com, with my arms full of dirty laundry, and as per something falls out on to the stairs. So it could have been a sock, a PJ top but no it was a soggy wet flannel! NICE!!! Yes you have guessed I stood on it with my nice stocking foot ‘squelch’. Hmm is this the start of my day or just one of those things you could be thinking. Well it depends how you look at life.
For me luckily I picked it up, realised I hadn’t fallen down the stairs, So it could have been worse. Things can be sorted if we decide to choose to take control. It was my choice to either scream and shout or laugh about it and I felt like doing both. However which takes more energy and which has the better outcome?
There are times I still do scream I won’t lie I am not a saintly counsellor.

I am real, I have feelings, emotions and I cry so how do I handle it? Because I am not a super hero, I don’t wear a cape and I don’t have a magic powers.

I think I can honestly say I handle it by talking! Since beginning my journey to becoming a counsellor I have had to learn to really talk and listen, not just a little chit chat with friends but be open. I have supervision and in that I am listened to and I can be me. I have realised that if I need somebody to talk to about my emotions I am happy pay a counsellor, but I have also learnt the value of talking openly to my family and friends!

Counselling has taught me so much about me. If you are struggling and need support don’t sit in silence thinking there is nobody to listen to you.

Don’t sit thinking nobody understands you, there is always somebody willing to listen, willing to help you. Sometimes you are stuck in a place and you just need a helping hand to get you up.

Why have therapy?

Looking out for our children.

Children’s mental health awareness week.

I am a mum of 3 boys and I have had the pleasure and/or misfortune of going through varying systems and organisations with anxiety, autism, dyslexia and relating issues. As a family we have worked closely within the mainstream and autism specific school system, it has been a rollercoaster ride of Senco’s, Ed Psych’s, school nurses, varying out reach services and pediatricians.

Over the years my children have needed support to get used to changes and gain control. I think we have been extremely lucky with the support that we have had.

However as a counsellor who works with children, families and adults I hear how other individuals feel let down by the system.
That is why they seek out private counselling for themselves or their children.

The Governments recent Green Paper children’s mental health promise is certainly an admirable statement to empower schools to tackle these problems.

However is their approach to fulfilling this promise manageable or are parents left with feelings of doubt and worry. Children will recieve support in schools from a mental health team and support staff with a teacher who is in charge of their mental awareness. This will hopefully encourage a sufficiently skilled counsellor in schools across the UK. This will hopefully discourage schools who are at the moment utilising their T/As and mentors as counselling services and ensure that their children are recieving the right support.

I believe that we need more qualified level 4 and above counsellors, play therapists and educational psychologists working in our schools who are already trained and have the experience to help these children. Yes this may cost a little more than the teaching assistants or mentors who are being employed to do this job. But isn’t it worth it? My concern is what level of training will this mental health team have to work with the children and young people. Is this quick fix really the best way to tackle children’s mental health in the long term? Or is it an ill advised therapy likely to create more issues that need dealing with later?

So on Children’s mental health week we need to look at these policies and realise that any therapy is only as good as the therapist.

January Blues

You may be hearing today is ‘Blue Monday’ but you have a choice to be happy, sad, smile or frown. You can walk or run, trot or skip but remember it is your choice to do whatever you want to do. If you woke up this morning feeling ok and then you heard on the radio it was depression day, do you turn instantly low, why? Stop! Now think, how were you before this and remember how you started your day. You can choose how you want to get through the rest of the day. It’s your choice. Have a good Monday!

Through the eyes of a child.

I was sent this lovely piece of writing yesterday, which yes it did bring a tear to my eye, thank you for such a precious share. I have been given permission to share this with you all.

After I had wiped my tears, reading this made me think about how a child can see the importance of what I do as a counsellor. In a nutshell she is correct counsellors do listen to people and help them so why is there still a stigma to receive this help?

Why are there people still worrying what others will think if they find out that they are attending counselling?

Why are people being judged, being questioned and thinking it is not beneficial?

When actually as this child has pointed out a counsellor is there to listen and help people. Sometimes we need somebody to listen, somebody to talk to who doesn’t know us. It is amazing how open a person is with an impartial listener. Remember it is good to talk.

https://counselme.uk/how-to-start-your-healing-process/